While we were young, being different and unique was often seen as weird, because why on Earth would anyone not want to wear/listen to/like what everyone else wears/listens to/likes? Then we thankfully made it to adulthood where most didn't care about who you were or what you listened to, all that mattered what if you were a good person or not. Like I said, most were like that, not all. It was a wonderful time, especially with trying to figure out who you were, what you like, and who you might want to be. Some might not have been as aware and sure about who they were, but others, like me, knew exactly. I was a small town girl ("living in a lonely world...." had to finish the phrase haha), who loved music, sports, crafts, adventure, learning, and wanted to experience other things besides small town USA. I was certain I would never return to Ohio because there were bigger an brighter things elsewhere. But boy was I wrong!
I spent weeks my first semester of school being terribly homesick, and was positive that, even though Idaho wasn't the place I belonged, I would find where it was. And so a year later I moved to Utah. I was once again terribly homesick, but it didn't take long for me to realize that I knew all along where I belonged, Ohio. Instead of trying to fight the small town USA pull, and the love of barns and farms and country things, and the style I had secretly loved but wasn't popular, I finally embraced it. The style and lifestyle of farm life had always appealed to me, but it took until then to be proud enough to admit it.
It was fun being unique and having a style that not too many had. I remember starting to plan our wedding, keeping every detail under wraps for a while. It was nearly impossible to find anything in the shades of purple and green that I wanted. I don't remember what were the "wedding colors of the year" that year, but they sure weren't purple and green! For the first time, I really felt like I had a unique style. Over the years I've really brought out my "style", and have brought it elements from things I loved as a little girl. More and more I was starting to feel like me and starting to become more and more comfortable in my skin. So what if I didn't want to live in a big city, or so what if I think the mountains were ugly without snow? I was a small town USA girl who loved her corn fields, lush green surroundings, and a lack of mountains.
It's been rather fun being content with who I am. There isn't anyone I know who is like me, and it feels great. Anyone who knows me well who's taken a look at my Pinterest page has probably nodded their head in agreement when they see all of the different hobbies, talents, and styles that make up me. I love children and education, but I'm also a talented musician and I love playing video games. I've made a few quilts and worked on knitting projects, but I also enjoy traveling and the great outdoors. Sometimes when I look through my boards I start to smile. Not too long ago I was not happy to be me. I had low self esteem an I did not like who I was. I remember wanting to be like so many other people, wanting to buy what they buy, dress like they dress, do what they do, but it was a lie. It wasn't who I really was, I just wasn't strong enough and didn't love myself enough to cultivate my own ideas and taste, I wanted to copy others who I thought was someone I wanted to be. It has taken years and years to get to the point that I am at today (and several years of therapy, soul searching, and praying), where I finally don't want to be anyone else, I don't want to copy anyone else's style or favorite colors or hobbies and talents, I just want to be me!
And to anyone who might be struggling with the same thing, I will tell you this. It isn't easy to have low self esteem and not love who you are, in fact it's one of the most difficult challenges I've had to go through. Competing with, comparing yourself to, and copying others does not make it better. In fact, it makes it a whole lot worse. Once I stepped back and noticed my uniqueness, I was better able to recognize how great I really am. Finally, here are two quotes that I remind myself of often, because it's better to be who you really are, than to try to imitate others. It will make you love who you are much more, trust me :)
|I just adore this quote!|
|Just be yourself :)|
Both images from my Lovely Words board on Pinterest. The sources are listed there.